ADAM - QUESTIONABLE DECISIONS?

Firecracker, I appreciate that and your very gracious PM. I'm not into drama and faux board suicides so I don't want to get into a big thing and say I'm leaving the board a hundred times, but I must honestly say, I've been on the internet and on messageboards for a long time and I've never been spoken to so rudely. And so unnecessarily so.

I said nothing about expecting anyone else's belief system to match my own, let alone ADAM'S. I think Clay's, as I pointed out, is similar to mine due to similar upbringing and religion and a particular brand of personal conservatism. I said absolutely nothing to suggest that one is better than another. I was actually GOING to say that I think Adam's not being religious (I noticed with Oprah that he chose his words carefully to not endorse his own belief in God) probably influences his view on sexual behavior, etc. but I didn't because I feared it could be construed in a negative or condescending manner and I didn't want to risk offending anyone. So don't be telling me that I'm preaching or that I expect my opinions to be taken as gospel. That was totally rude and out of line.

LGBT equality is my PASSION. I take it very seriously. And I do hate the assumption, from anywhere, that having a multitude of casual sexual partners is just a part of life as a gay man. Because it isn't, for everyone, and that assumption has gone a long way in fueling the fire for anti-gay causes. I have also found, and again, I don't want to offend anyone, but this has been my experience, that sometimes women who came of age in the generations before mine have an idea in their minds of what typical gay male behavior is that is more in line with the way things were in the Studio 54 era, before the AIDS epidemic really hit. So many of those men are gone now. But I can't say enough how that impacted my generation. I DO know many, many, many gay men - I was a competitive baton twirler growing up, my mother was a hairdresser, I was a theatre design/production major at an arts conservatory and I spent my teenage years fangirling the shows at an amusement park. I couldn't swing a dead cat without hitting a gay man for most of my life. And I CAN honestly say that in all that time I had exactly one friend who met the definition of promiscuous, and he was somebody who was out and active in high school and became active BEFORE the AIDS epidemic really became big news, and I mentioned that to illustrate that difference in perspectives among generations. As I said, my friends are mostly 40ish now and I have read things to suggest that people in their 20s and early 30s don't perhaps take the risks as seriously and I have no doubt that people that age are generally more active with more partners than were my peers. But I came up against this with Clay when the tabloid stories hit, too, the assumption that all gay men, or the vast majority of them, do have multiple casual partners. That's simply not true and I was pointing out the difference that AIDs made in terms of changing ideas regarding casual sexual activity.

Adam doesn't seem to subscribe to that brand of personal conservatism that I mentioned, and that is fine and his right and makes perfect sense considering his upbringing, etc. I personally could not care less if he hooks up with everybody on both coasts and all of Europe. I do care about assumptions about LGBT individuals that can be construed negatively regardless of how benignly they may be intended, because they are so often used against the LGBT community. And I do care that some people on this board were bothered by the idea that Adam might be hooking up a lot, (because it upset them and they were worried about him, not because of any moral stance of my own) and I wanted to point out that despite certain stereotypes about gay men that exist that that isn't just a given. As I said, I don't care one way or the other but it doesn't have to be so just because he's gay and what I have read as evidence isn't very compelling.

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FC, again, I appreciate your graceful reply and I really hate it when people say they're leaving a board and go off in a huff and then are back 5 minutes later. I don't mean to do that. I have enjoyed this board very much since I joined. But I have to think about whether I am comfortable posting now understanding that at any point my words could be attacked when I have never intentionally posted one unkind word to anybody on this board. If you could keep my ID active so that I might be able to lurk and keep up with Adam's news I would appreciate that. Thank you.

Oh goodness! I must be dense because I personally didn't find either posts rude. Just expressing opinions. I am so upset that people are upset! :(

I opened this thread because Canear asked me to - now I wish I hadn't

I think this board has been mostly really peaceful and we are a great group.

This is a really sad day at Lady Friends.....

I won't be deleting anyone.....

Firecracker wrote:

Oh goodness! I must be dense because I personally didn't find either posts rude. Just expressing opinions. I am so upset that people are upset! :(

I opened this thread because Canear asked me to - now I wish I hadn't

I think this board has been mostly really peaceful and we are a great group.

This is a really sad day at Lady Friends.....

I won't be deleting anyone.....

FC indeed a sad day :( :( :(

Zara check your pm's please

Shannon

I'm one of the newer people here so I don't want to upset the balance. I'll gladly bow out. Thanks.

I don't want anybody to bow out - I just want people to kiss and make-up :D

Firecracker wrote:

I don't want anybody to bow out - I just want people to kiss and make-up :D

Me to

Come on guys we need to stick together

Shannon

Wow, this thread has gotten heated. Please, everyone, just take a deep breath. Whatever bothers you now probably won't bother you much in a day or two--at least that has been my own experience.

Not preaching here. Really. :)

Right - it is just the professor talking :teacher NN:

Oi vey........

I'm off to try and think of something to say. I'll be back......

I haven't been here all day only to come and find this. What happened? I'm so confused and sad.

Please don't anybody leave. I don't like it when people leave.

Yes, we are a small family of sisters. Nobody leave

I am going to put this here first (and make an announcement in the Welcome thread also) since this is where things took a nasty turn.

WE ARE NOW A TOTALLY PRIVATE BOARD

You will need to log in to see anything when you come here.

Also, sadly, I have banned Horselaydee. I knew she was upset after yesterday as she never joined me in the Doll thread. So this morning I wrote her a very nice PM saying I hoped she was OK and that I love her and never want her to leave the board.

What I got back was one very nasty, ugly, insulting PM! I think my jaw dropped all the way to the basement as I could not believe what I was reading.

She and I have been board friends for over 4 years. We talked on the phone and sent each other things. I was shocked at the things said to me in her PM to me. Once before she was upset and I wrote and asked her to PLEASE come back. After a few days she did. I will NOT be asking her back again.

I am so, so sorry. But I had to do this for my sake. I won't go through something like this again.

Oh, and it wasn't mean of me to BAN her as she made it very clear she would NEVER come back here and I was NEVER to try and contact her and that she was totally disgusted with me and I will spare you all the rest.

So there you go.

FC......


I am so terribly sorry things worked out the way they did and that she acted so harshly being nasty and insulting to you when you tried to smooth things over. It's things like this that really baffle me. I know I'll never understand it so I should stop trying to.

I am very sorry about that FC, I was really surprised yesterday because I didn't think it was such a big deal, I wasn't expecting that outcome, such strong personality with a big chip on her shoulders.

Wow! I didn't see that one coming. I am so sorry FC. I am baffled, as I didn't see the posts made being that bad.

FC- I am so sorry that this happened. You never know how far people will take it when they are angry or hurt.

FC I am soooooooooo sorry I am sorry you got attacked the way you did. Man I hate when this stuff happens

Shannon

Thanks ladies

I must say I find it completely bizarre that this all happened. I really do! And - I think I have a Teddy size headache over all this

Awwww FC.


At the mention of headaches....I've been getting them almost every other day again. Had one yesterday. :(

Oh goodness Teddy! That is so upsetting. I so wish there was some good meds that work for you. I cannot imagine getting headaches so often

Firecracker wrote:

Thanks ladies

I must say I find it completely bizarre that this all happened. I really do! And - I think I have a Teddy size headache over all this

Again so so sorry FC :(

Shannon

I'm convinced that something else must be going on with her. While I can understand that she might have read something into a post and be upset by it, the fallout was more than one would have expected.

I can't believe that she sent a nasty PM to FC, not after she coordinated that gift we all participated in. No--something else, something serious that we don't know about, is going on.

I hope everyone, including Horselaydee, will be okay.

I was thinking the same thing too NN.

How could things go so wrong all of the sudden?

Of course nothing excuses treating FC with such disrespect.

I hope whatever is really going on that somehow it gets better and turns out okay and that's for everyone involved despite who did what and what went wrong.

Well NN - I just said that in a PM response to someone who wrote out of concern to me. I too feel that something is "off". But HL made if VERY clear she is DONE here and with us and with me. I'd call her - but she made it very clear I was NOT to contact her anywhere (as this is not the only board we post at together).

Good lord FC. This is just so bizarre! ((hugs)) to you. You certainly don't deserve to be treated with such disrespect.

Firecracker wrote:

Oh goodness Teddy! That is so upsetting. I so wish there was some good meds that work for you. I cannot imagine getting headaches so often

teddy, have you not been able to see a doctor about these headaches yet? It's been quite a while.