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 This is a good one!

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Sky



Number of posts: 4931
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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 3:43 pm

Very cute.............. Laughing
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Adrift



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 7:12 pm

Hehehe good one RC Laughing

As it's only just over 3 weeks away...a few things you all may want to think about doing Twisted Evil

20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters

1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)
2. Wait behind the door until some people come.
When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.
3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers.
Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room.
When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.
5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.
6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.
8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"
9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your
head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.
10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.
13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.
14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.
16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.
19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.
20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.
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Firecracker
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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 8:35 pm

Well, I always buy a TON of MY fave candy for the Trick-or-treaters so those ideas might assure me of some leftovers!! Twisted Evil

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RoseCandle



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:08 pm

Some good ideas there Adrift -
have you ever tried any of them out ? Laughing

Don't think I'll do the 'dress like a rabbit though'
It might confuse my bun ! :albino:

Here's another couple of little ones I got from a friends forum.

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

'Yep,' the wife replied , 'in-laws Laughing

---------------------------------------

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
'Please wake me at 5:00 AM ' He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
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RoseCandle



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:21 pm

And another one......

Imagine if all major retailers started making their own condoms and kept the same tag-line...

Sainsbury Condoms - making life taste better
Tesco Condoms - every little helps
Nike Condoms - Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life.
Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk.
KFC Condoms - Finger licking good.
Minstrels Condoms -melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms ? Lightening the load.
Abbey National condoms - because life is complicated enough.
Coca Cola condoms - The real thing.
Ever Ready condoms - keep going and going.
Pringles condoms - once you pop, you cant stop
Burger King Condoms - Home of the whopper
Goodyear Condoms - for a longer ride go wide
FCUK condoms - no comment required.
Muller light condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain.
Halfords condoms - we go the extra mile.
Royal Mail condoms - I saw this and thought of you.
Andrex condoms - Soft, strong and very very long
Renault condoms - size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin
Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in 30 minutes
Domestos condoms - gets right under the rim!!! (Please)
Heineken condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot reach
Carlsberg condoms - probably the best condom in the world
AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service
Pepperami condoms - it's a bit of a animal
Polo condoms - the condom with the hole
The Manchester United Condom... One Yank and your whole world falls apart.
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Adrift



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:38 pm

Hehe -all the jokes are good but really love the last two(notes..& branding) !

No I haven't tried any of those - but I did answer the door one year while I was in the process of doing some DIY (yep...everything was left abandoned when I lost interest in what I was trying to do hehe) I gave the kids some sweets & then showed them my halloween surprise...a bright yellow spirit level! Well I laughed ( then had to explain what it was..then had to explain that spirit = ghost *sigh*)...they wandered off mumbling something along the lines of "bloody strange woman lives there then!!" Rolling Eyes


Love this joke btw ...

Two Americans driving through Wales.

At Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch they stopped for lunch, and the first American asked the waitress 'Before we order, please pronounce very slowly where we are'

The waitress leaned over and said 'Burrr-gerrr Ki-ing'

Very Happy
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RoseCandle



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 10:45 pm

ROFL - Brilliant lol!

I've just got to pass that one on Laughing
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Firecracker
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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Thu Oct 09, 2008 11:18 pm

You Brits are a funny lot! Laughing Thanks for the giggles!

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Adrift



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Sat Oct 11, 2008 9:08 pm

Gotta say FC - your joke of the day is brilliant!!!

Thank you for that!! Very Happy
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Sky



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Sat Oct 11, 2008 10:06 pm

FC does post some good ones, doesn't she? And I love the quotes.
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RoseCandle



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:02 am

I agree, FC does put some good jokes and quotes at the top there. I think it's a lovely welcome to the forum each time we visit. cheers
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Firecracker
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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Sun Oct 12, 2008 2:36 am

Oh, I am so glad you guys are enjoying them! I love doing them.

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horselaydee



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Sun Oct 12, 2008 3:22 am

I am still giggling over the condom one...Way to go Adrift!!!!! Laughing

I need to come to this thread more often! Twisted Evil
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Firecracker
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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Fri Oct 17, 2008 1:32 pm

More goodies from my Aunt Mary!

I love the last one!

Quote:
What, you ask, is 'Butt dust?' Read on and you'll discover the joy in it!

JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'

MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, 'If you don't=2 remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six.'

STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'

BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?'

SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.'

DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?'

MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: ' Why is he whispering in her mouth?'

CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?'

JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?'

TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?'

I think this Mom will never forget this particular Sunday sermon...'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust...' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'


Make sure you pass this one on and spread the smiles....





_________________
"You can kinda just be. Just live your life -- and play." Adam Lambert - OUT mag.
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Adrift



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PostSubject: Re: This is a good one!   Fri Oct 17, 2008 9:42 pm

Hehehehe - I like the flea(flee) one! Awww the things kids say ) I hate to think what I came out with as a child Embarassed
Thanks FC made me Laughing
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This is a good one!

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